Can the PRC promote World Peace better than the USA?

 After living in China, for 14 months, I have more faith in China to promote World Peace than I have faith in the USA to promote it. The Chinese may seem cold-hearted, but they are very interested in promoting the welfare of all their people. Yes, they do it in a totalitarian method. This is true. But they are still developing the PRC to raise up all Chinese people.

Our greedy corporatists discovered they could make more profits if they close down their US factories and ship them to China. Yes, they made more profits. And as a result, manufacturing in the USA became reduced to dismal levels, and the Peoples Republic of China has become a manufacturing powerhouse.

Chinese leaders do not want any war that might destroy decades of progress for their people. They are very practical. They would rather influence the world with their Belt and Road Initiative, opening up markets, which will raise the economic standards of everyone in the world, than waste their money on a military. But the US and allies are provoking them, forcing them to expand their military to meet the challenge. They are not the imperialists; we are.

The health of the US economy is heavily influenced by the weapons industry. In fact, the USA is the biggest vendor of weapons in the world. China's economy is based on manufacturing. The US wants to promote weaponry for profit while the PRC wants to promote consumer items for profit. Once again, it all comes down to profits.

I published a similar blog post in 2007, right before the giant financial collapse of 2008. My prediction of the ¥uan replacing the $Dollar as the word wide currency in a decade has proven wrong. Maybe in 2 decades, by 2027? What do you think? Will the Chinese take over the world economically? Or will the USA bomb their manufacturing infrastructure to smithereens, like we did in Iraq, in order to destroy the competition?
https://bodhis-ruminations.blogspot.com/2007/07/america-is-only-shell-of-what-was-once.html

Thoughts about "The Dance of the Dissident Daughter" by Sue Monk Kidd

I’m 1/3 of the way through The Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd.  She keeps talking about her feminine “wound” referring to the yoke of acculturation for women to be lesser than men.  She writes on and on about the tiny steps she took in trying to embrace the role of her whole feminine self. 

 

She keeps quoting Clarissa Pinkus-Estes, who also talks about breaking out of the yoke of what culture tells us about proper, gracious women. I try my best to have compassion for them, since I have had the wool pulled over my eyes also, and took a long time until it came away from my eyes and I woke up.  Sue Monk Kidd also refers to waking up out of the feminine wound.  I personally feel like I threw off that yoke when I was still a teen.

 

For me, it was more a struggle to act normal vs. being my authentic self.  I was about 45  when I decided that if they don’t like me the way I am, then they don’t deserve what I bring to the job.  Of course, I was well under way by that time into shifting my income from nursing to rental units. 

 

My mom was an early feminist. She spent her life proving that she could do just as good or better than any man.  She was an acrobat, entertainer, basketball and ice hockey player. She was a bookie’s assistant, a dance teacher, a secretary and typist, a truck driver, a dispatcher and switchboard operator. She became an expert in diamonds and toured the country giving talks about diamonds. She managed jewelry stores. In the sunset of her life, she strung pearls to make money.  Her pearl stringing booth in the shopping center burnt down for her 89th birthday.  She just continued her business from home.  My mother was not totally sold on that feminine role. 

 

My dad was delighted to have all girls.  He loved girls and didn’t want a boy.  We were all raised to believe we could do anything we wanted whether we were male or female.  I was my dad’s right-hand man on his moonlighting jobs.  He taught me to use tools and fix things. 

 

I was wrapped up in the feminine role through junior high school to about 9th grade.  That’s when I discovered what abusive shits boys could be, and that all girls could think about was boys.  I stopped shaving my legs, plucking my eyebrows, staring closely in the mirror at my blemishes and putting on makeup, bleaching my hair, and thinking about boys.  I became a recluse.  There was no one at school I could confide in or trust.  I became a vegetarian and started doing yoga.  I was breaking out of the roles forced upon me by culture and community.  All because I realized that girls were obsessed with boys and boys were worthless shits. 

 

Sue Monk Kidd also comes from the Baptist church.  I was once at a laundromat with a young Baptist woman.  She told me that because Eve ate the apple, all women were the source of evil.  I love comparative religions!  The belief by this young woman that she was a source of sin because she was born with a certain genitalia was equivalent to the belief that we are all sinners from the get go because our parents did the dirty thing and a baby was conceived. 

 

I remember in the book “Riders of the Purple Sage” by Zane Grey, how the Mormon protagonist clung to her faith in the Mormon traditions even though the Elders were perpetrating heinous crimes on her and her ranch hands in the name of Mormon scripture. 

 

I keep thinking of the Taliban in Afghanistan banning women from going to work.  The Taliban interpretation of sharia law makes women house slaves.  Is it any different in the Baptist Church? 

 

I am thankful that in the Jewish tradition, G-d is feminine one day a week, on the holiest day of the week, and we are commanded to spend one day per week doing nothing else but having a honeymoon with Her. 

 

The honeymoon with the feminine aspect of the Divine includes eating, drinking wine, having sex and studying the sacred texts. 

 

I come from a much different tradition than the author of this book.  I come from generations of feminists, and a religion that sees the Divine as both masculine and feminine.  I don’t have to heal the “feminine wound” like she does. 

 

As a Buddhist, I follow the 8-Fold Noble Path.  I have been a practicing Buddhist much longer than I have been a practicing Jew.  Right View, Right Thought, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration.  I forgive Sue Monk Kidd for allowing herself to get so deep into the role assigned by the patriarchs.  I forgave her for being such a fool, just like I forgive all those Muslim women who want their sons to be martyrs. 

 

I hear her suffering in every word of the book.  I hear how her “feminine wound” has caused her to suffer, and how she strives to transform her anger into love.  I hear how this and that experience briefly relieved her suffering, but then returned to the suffering of the feminine role and what it takes to break out of it.  I have compassion for her since I have also suffered, I have also had the wool pulled over my eyes and woke up when it was torn away.  I have compassion for her because she doesn’t see her plight as being parallel to removing her hijab.  I have compassion for her because she myopically believes this is an American problem. 

 

The fact is that everyone suffers. 

 

I dislike when people tell me all their pains and ailments.  That’s not what I want to talk about.  Suffering is in a point of view.  We are all constrained by the limits of this mortal life; we have to eat and shit, and one day we will die.  Pain and pleasure are just aspects of the mortal package that we inhabit.  Sure! Fun is fun! And pain is pain!  But they are all part and parcel of this living body we inhabit.  Some of it is pleasant and some is unpleasant, and some we don’t even notice.  So what! EVERYONE HAS PAIN! 

 

But not everyone suffers.  Suffering is in your point of view. 

 

Suffering comes when you believe the pain is you and yours.  By believing that pain and pleasure are just part of the daily routine, makes it unremarkable. 

 

Both Pinkola-Estes and Kidd seem consumed by the fight to free themselves of the classic feminine roles and find their unique feminine selves.  And as I read, I think, that poor woman had to be middle aged before she realized she was being hoodwinked by the patriarchy! 

 

I wonder why Black people worship a White God that fills them with fruitless Hope?  Someone sold them a bill of goods. Probably a Christian man. 

Thoughts about Critical Race Theory

Critical Race Theory poses that every law and every facet of American culture is permeated with anti-black racism from the founding of the nation until now.  The more I learn about history, the more I agree. 

 

Critical Race Theory is currently a hot button issue that people are either violently for or against.  I’m not really sure, but I am starting to understand what it means. It is very much….

 

I’ll give you so many examples:

 

1.     The Black Panther Party had a 10-Point Program, all of which points were fundamentally essential for Justice.  The Ten Point Program comprised two sections: "What We Want Now!" and "What We Believe."

a.     1.  We want freedom. We want power to determine the destiny of our Black and oppressed communities.

b.     2.  We want full employment for our people.

c.     3.  We want an end to the robbery by the capitalist of our Black and oppressed communities and reparations for what has been robbed from us

d.     4.  We want decent housing, fit for the shelter of human beings.

e.     5.  We want education for our people that exposes the true nature of this decadent American society. We want education that teaches us our true history and our role in the present-day society.

f.      6.  We want completely free health care for all Black and oppressed people.

g.     7.  We want an immediate end to police brutality and murder of Black people, other people of color, all oppressed people inside the United States.

h.     8.  We want an immediate end to all wars of aggression.

i.      9.  We want freedom for all Black and poor oppressed people now held in U.S. federal, state, county, city and military prisons and jails. We want trials by a jury of peers for all persons charged with so-called crimes under the laws of this country.

j.      10.  We want land, bread, housing, education, clothing, justice, peace and people’s community control of modern technology.

 

I personally agree with every one of these points; totally positive, just and non-violent.  They also believed in their 2^nd Amendment Rights to bear arms in a well-regulated militia.  At this time, 2^nd Amendment armed militias are organizing and training all over the United States, yet our FBI doesn’t feel compelled to assassinate them as they did the leaders of the Black Panthers.  Why did they arrest, imprison, or assassinate members of the Black Panther Party, who were defending their constitutional Rights? Because they were Black. 

 

My Grandma Rose was a “Gray Panther.” She also worked very hard to advance social justice.  She was one of the original authors of the Medicare bill.  Yet, the FBI didn’t want to assassinate her even though she was a card carrying Socialist.  Because she was White. 

 

Critical Race Theory points out the historical discrepancies in which Whites and Blacks were treated for the same actions.  It is about White Privilege and how Whites are driven to disempower Blacks any way they can. 

 

2.     During World War II, Whites and Blacks fought side by side. Yet, when they lined up to get their paychecks, the service always ran out of money when the Black servicemen came to get paid.  I heard this time and again from WWII veterans when I lived in Vallejo. 

 

3.     I am a Registered Nurse having spent many years in the Mother/Baby Department.  I noticed early on that White women got very different treatment than our Black patients.  I saw an obstetrician literally tear open a cesarean section on a black patient, yanking it apart like it was an old rag.  He said it heals faster when you tear it rather than cut it with a scalpel. I never saw him do that on any other patient.  At change of shift, the derisive tones of some nurses when giving report on their patients of color.  They seemed to lack empathy or respect for the women of color. 

 

I saw White women get top notch healthcare and the Black women were abused. That’s what initially instigated me on this 3-decade journey of trying to resolve the inequities of our healthcare system with universal, single-payer healthcare in California and the USA.  Now I realize that the reason we don’t have universal, single-payer healthcare in the USA, unlike nearly all industrialized economies, is because the Elites, presumably White, believe that they deserve better quality than the Poor and the Blacks, who deserve nothing. Such arrogant hubris.  Pointing out the inequity is Critical Race Theory. 

 

4.     Redlining was a blatantly illegal banking policy that excluded Blacks from White neighborhoods and relegated them to ghettos.  Black people were clearly unjustly excluded from buying homes in certain neighborhoods. 

 

5.     The sub-prime mortgage and foreclosure debacle of 2008 to 2012 is another example.  Normally, banks offer higher interest loans to People of Color.  Mortgage companies went wild in the years preceding 2008, selling high interest mortgages to mostly Blacks and Hispanics.  Then the greedy investment bankers put together portfolios of mortgage notes and sold them on the securities exchange as ABD’s (asset backed derivatives).  This caused the worldwide economic collapse in 2008, and the beginning of conveyor belt foreclosures, causing a massive shifting of assets away from People of Color upward to the Elites as family after Black family were evicted from their own homes.  Critical Race Theory suggests that the bankers have been preying on the hopes of upward bound Black families, only to cut them down and take all they have earned, time and again.  I believe, this is part of the banking industry business model.  

 

6.     Next example is discrimination against Blacks in voting. 

 

a.     Slaves could not vote, although they were counted by 2/3 in the census to determine the number of Representatives in the House. 

b.     Once slavery was outlawed, the elite Whites who controlled the voting booths came up with the system of Jim Crow to continue to disenfranchise American citizens of color from their Right to Vote. 

c.     Jim Crow ended with the Voting Rights Act of 1964. Which was followed by the War on Drugs. 

d.     The War on Drugs convicted People of Color far more often for the same crimes as Whites, who were either never charged with a crime, fined, or acquitted.  In many States, felons can never regain their Right to Vote.  Currently, about 2/3 of all Black men have served time in jail for one thing or another. 

e.     Look what happened in Florida.  A citizen’s Initiative on the ballot passed by a landslide, and felons who had finished their parole could regain the Right to Vote.  Since poll taxes were made illegal by the Voting Rights Act, the Florida Legislature immediately passed a law saying that they had to pay back all their financial obligations to the state first before they could apply to vote.  That eliminated about half of the 1.5M new Florida citizens with the Right to Vote. 

f.      These are my thoughts about paying back what these former felons owe to the State.  The 13^th Amendment to the Constitution abolished slavery except as a punishment for crime.  So the War on Drugs put Black People back into slavery in prison.  While in prison, everyone has a job.  The prisoners are paid pennies a day for their labor.  Their virtual slave labor saves the prison in maintenance costs, and even earns for the prison in renting out their slave laborers to farms, factories, and customer service jobs.  When they have completed serving their time, all their slave labor is valued at nothing, and instead, they are discharged from prison with debts to the Courts.  Critical Race Theory points out that even today, we find ways to put Black People back into slavery aka prison. 

g.     The racial bias built into the culture that punishes Blacks for the same behavior condoned in Whites is endemic among police and the courts.  There is no Justice in the Justice System, especially not for Blacks.  These inequities are what Critical Race Theory points out.  Why is it so important to disenfranchise People of Color from the vote? 

h.     Every 10 years, the Constitution requires a census in order to adjust voting districts to achieve even representation in the House and the Assembly.  Time and again, the districts are gerrymandered to spread out communities of color into fringe minorities in peripheral districts thereby disempowering the Black vote and maintaining White control.  This results in Rule by the Minority.  White Capitalists want to make sure their Property Rights supersede all other Rights.  Critical Race Theory teaches us that the need to overturn Democracy into Rule by the Minority is all about White Supremacy. 

i.      The Elite Capitalists talk about freedom and liberty.  They mean the freedom to make as much money as possible no matter who they hurt or what law is broken.  That leads to the issue of State’s Rights.  State’s Rights is another way of saying the right to segregate and disenfranchise voters of color.  Liberty and State’s Rights are words we often hear from White Supremacists.  We know what you really mean. 

 

7.     Critical Race Theory states that racial bias has been interwoven in our entire US history, since the 2/3 Rule at the Constitutional Convention to the January 6^th insurrection in DC.

 

8.     The Declaration of Independence talks about unalienable Rights to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.  By the time they ratified the Constitution 11 years later, the unalienable rights had become Life, Liberty and Property.  Property is another euphemism for slaves, and wives.  Slaves gained their legal freedom before wives did.  Black men got the Right to Vote before women. 

 

9.     The unbelievable cruelty of the police and White Supremacists who kill Black citizens provoked by nothing more than skin color and their own assumptions about Black People.  Rate of police fatal shootings of Black People from 2015 – 2021 was 37 per million of the population.  Add the Hispanics, and the total become 67 per million compared to 15 per million for Whites.  The rate of police shootings for Blacks is more than double for Whites.  And this doesn’t include killings by chokehold, tasering, beating, breaking their neck, or by suffocation.  And also doesn’t include Blacks killed by hate crimes.  57.6% of Hate Crimes in 2019 were motivated by racial bias.  The fact that most of these crimes are either covered up or the White perpetrators are acquitted is something that is illustrated by Critical Race Theory.  Critical Race Theory says this is not unique but rather has been endemic since the beginning of the nation. 

Speech for the Women’s March 2020

I long for Peace with all my heart.  Peace is a word bandied about on Christmas Day when everyone pays lip service to it saying, “Peace on Earth and Good Will to Men.”  But what about the other 364 days a year?  Do Americans really want Peace?

There are 2 ways to achieve Peace.  One is for a repressive dictator to brutally kill all the dissidents.  We wouldn’t like to see that here. The other is for there to be Justice.  That’s the one I want.  There can be no Peace without Justice.  I had to reach university level education to even learn what Justice means.  It isn’t just retaliation for harm against you.  There are many kinds of justice: social justice, racial justice, economic justice, environmental justice, and more. 

Yet, in today’s world, there is no Justice in the Justice System.  We see multitiered justice different for Whites, Browns and Blacks; different for males and females; different for rich and poor.  How did it get this way?

There’s no Justice in a system that cuts school funding, cuts public assistance to the poor, cuts funding for women’s health, cuts funding for contraception, then provides no other career avenue for the resulting youths other than being cannon fodder for unending wars.  How did it get this way? 

There’s no justice in a system that allows giant corporations to exploit our natural resources desecrating the Earth and polluting the water, air and soil on which all life depends.  Meanwhile, we see our children’s health become damaged, sacred burial sites unearthed, and our property values destroyed.  How did it get this way? 

Don’t believe a word if someone says, “There’s nothing we can do about it.”  BULLSHIT! 

We still live in a Democracy; a Democratic Republic.  That means the PEOPLE RULE within the limits of the Constitution.  The President is not a king and the United States of America is not for profit!  The government derives their just powers from the consent of the governed!  Our public servants exist at our pleasure to serve us, the People.  And especially the least of us, the children, the poor and the disabled.  And to justly manage our public lands for us, the People. 

Incidentally, did you hear?  Talk about gender justice!  Virginia just became the 38^th State to ratify the Equal Rights Amendment. Finally!  After 97 years! Women might become equal to men in the eyes of the law.  Believe it or not, it’s still not a sure thing! How about that? 

So, what can we do to achieve Justice and Peace?  A lot! We can march in the streets.  We can join groups of like-minded people and together we can storm the offices of our elected representatives.  We can demonstrate on the steps of the capitol.  We can write letters.  We can run for office.  We can pass local ordinances to protect our cities and county.  We can make sure everyone gets out to vote.  Or we can join a phone bank and call people, like we did for Virginia a few months ago, to turn the Virginia House of Delegates blue so they could ratify the ERA.  We are the People.  Let’s grab the bull by the horns and Rule!  Now is the time to take action!

The End Times give some Christians hope!

I love interfaith Bible study.  My hired worker and I have been talking Bible lately. He's a devout Christian. 

He knows I am a practicing Jew. I mentioned to him that I have 2 issues with Christians: 1) they have been slaughtering Jews for 2000 years; 2) they don't follow the teachings of Jesus and sow hate and division.

My worker responded that he agrees. There are too many people full of hate that call themselves Christians.  He said that he and his wife found hateful agendas from the pastors at church and so they stopped going to church. They do private Bible studies and worship in their living room with a group of friends.

We both enthusiastically agreed that "God loves all His children; it is not for me to judge."
I mentioned that through the ages, one group of Christians who never persecuted Jews was the Mormons.

That set my worker off on how the Mormons and Catholics, Jehovah's Witnesses and 7th Day Adventists aren't really Christians.

So what is a Christian? We both agreed that if you take Christ as your personal savior and believe that he died for your sins, then you are a Christian.

I said that Mormons and Catholics both take Christ as their savior and believe he died for their sins. My worker disagreed. He went on and on about minute differences in their beliefs which disqualifies the others from being Christians.  He said Catholics don't even worship Christ; they worship Mary and a dozen other idols.  And both Mormons and Catholics don't believe that Christ died on the cross and rose up in 3 days. 

I replied that Mormons and Catholics believe they are Christians and call themselves Christians.
My worker declared that it is a FACT that they are not Christians!  I asked if they believe they are Christians, and he believes they are not Christians, can both facts be correct at the same time?

Without answering, the discussion took a pause at that point. Then I asked if he isn't being a tad judgemental? He replied that there is no judgement in a fact.  Facts are facts.

I thought the whole exchange was fascinating. I love Bible talk!


*********************************************************************************

At another time, we were talking about our children. I mentioned that one of my sons is of the "non-binary" generation.  He asked what non-binary means. I explained. He retorted that the Bible only gives 2 choices, male and female. He said he can't understand why non-binary is so popular now.

I thought about it for a week and told him my conclusion.

When things are normal and there is hope in the world, then males and females want to mate and procreate a generation for the future. But when the people in power do nothing to stop conditions leading to the extinction of all life on Earth, then hope is sucked out of the world and no one wants to procreate. If there is no future, why make babies??? So everyone becomes a non-sexual blend of amorphous androgyny.

My worker responded that his religion gives him hope. These are the End Times just as predicted in the Bible and being forgiven in Christ, he can look forward to sitting at Christ's side at the End. 
I love Bible talk!

Needless to say, I was not only fascinated to learn his viewpoint on things, but was shocked that my worker is one of the people who does nothing or even accelerates climate caused mass extinction.  And this gives him HOPE!!!!! 

You read about people saying things like this. And you hear about it on the late night comedy shows. But to hear it in earnest right from the horse's mouth is a phenomenon extraordinaire. 
Fortunately, we both agree that President Trump is NOT a Christian.

I could have added a third issue that I have with Christians, the absence of brotherly love.  My worker and I wholeheartedly agreed that we must love our neighbor as we love ourselves.  But I find Christians to be a backbiting crowd.  The Protestants all agree that the Catholics are idol worshipers and not Christians.  Most agree that LDS aka Mormons are a cult, and not Christians.  The Baptists laugh at the Lutherans. The Adventists disqualify from Christianity all sects that have Sunday instead of Saturday as the Day of Rest.  I could go on and on, but I haven't heard them all yet.  In my experience, the Book of Mormon and the Pearl of Great Price are as much a bundle of myths, tales, and beliefs no more crazy than the New or Old Testaments of the Bible.  Or the cultural beliefs that accompany them.

To me, if someone considers themselves a Christian, they should follow the teachings of Jesus.  I hear the Gospel words come out of their mouths, and in the next breath are judging their fellow Christians of not being authentic.  It is not the first time that a Christian has assured me that his beliefs are FACTS.

I want to love all beings.  It is not for me to judge anything about anyone else.  And I am totally fascinated to learn the viewpoints of other people.  I find that Christians who consider their beliefs to be facts are living in a house of cards floating on a sea of hope.  Collapse is inevitable. A very different reality than mine yet we share the same world. 

A Mother's Day Funeral

Today, Mother's Day, I attended the funeral of my friend.  Having known her for over a decade, I can't recall how and where we first met.  But from the very start, it felt like we had been old friends forever.

Esther was the child of Holocaust survivors.  As such, she embraced that unique set of neuroses associated with Holocaust survivors and their children.  Her voice tone was a gravelly whine that would have been enough to drive anyone crazy, which resounded with immeasurable grief.  Yet, she was warmly courteous and respectful, and took interest in my life, as well as sharing hers.  She never failed to phone me for every Jewish holiday to convey her good wishes.

She emitted a lifetime of grief, and the light of her life was her 2nd husband Barney.  I never met Barney, and they often lived apart.  Secretly, I said to myself that it would be difficult to live with Esther's grating voice 24/7, and distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Barney fell ill and had collapsed at their home in SoCal.  Esther called me to share the news that he was in the hospital.  She hadn't been feeling well but wanted to drive down to see him.  I agreed to go with her, and be her alternate driver.  Come the day we were to leave, Esther called me to cancel.  Two weeks later, Barney had died.  When she finally got there, she found his corpse guarded by the dogs in the garden several days after his demise.  She had his body shipped for burial in St. Helena, and the headstone was finally ready 5 years later.  Esther phoned me last week and 3 weeks ago to invite me to the unveiling of Barney's stone.

Many times, she told me about her cruel brother who wouldn't release her portion of the inheritance, and how he cheated her out of the apartments she used to manage.  Eventually, she had to hire a lawyer and sue her brother to get her share released.  He was not present when I joined Esther at the memorial of their mother's death.  But he was there today, beside her pine box, bearing a masculine version of Esther's face but much taller.  He was first to eulogize his sister.  He spoke annoyingly long about how he neglected her as a child and, as a result, she got run over and injured.  He professed that ever since then, he vowed to protect his little sister.  The length of his eulogy was almost as if the more he talked, the more his guilt could be assuaged.

Esther often shared with me the grief of her divorce and how her X-husband has somehow turned her daughters against her.  She had never even seen or met her grandchildren, and another one was soon on its way.  Her daughters wouldn't talk to her.  I convinced her how it was their problem and she need bear no guilt for having done anything wrong.  I urged her to reach out to her daughters even though they might rebuff her advances.  I encouraged her to keep trying, and finally she got through to one daughter, who invited her to Los Angeles to see her grandchildren.  Seeing her grandchildren was one of Esther's greatest joys.  And after a couple of years, she was on good terms with one daughter and in communication with the other.  A great improvement!

Esther's oldest daughter got up to speak after Esther's brother.  She spoke about what a treasure it has been these last 5 years to be sharing her life with her mother.  Even her young son and daughter got up and spoke eloquent, heartfelt words about their grandmother.  This daughter so resembled my best friend Alice, and she was warm and charming.  She didn't look anything like Esther.  Elder daughter was tall, with olive skin, brown eyes, thin lips, and an aquiline nose.  Esther and her brother had northern European complexions with round noses, full lips and gray eyes.  Elder daughter said she looked like her mother.  I didn't see the resemblance.  She warmly thanked me for my kind words when I bid her farewell.

Esther's 2nd daughter spoke about how their relationship had been "up and down" and how, now that she herself was a mother and wife, she understands how difficult it can be.  She recalled how they would all fly here the last few years as Esther was on her death bed, and then she would recover, and not die.  I realized that her main relationship was being at her mother's bedside at the time of death to claim her inheritance.  This daughter was unable to look anyone in the eye, and kept turning her back to me after lunch when I was trying to bid them all goodbye.

Then there was Faith, who left the message on my phone about Esther's demise and the funeral.  Esther and I both had issues with hoarding resulting in clutter.  I had decided, years ago, that I would clean the clutter out of one "zone" of my house per year for Passover.  Over the years, the clutter had dissipated and there were many wide open empty spaces to be seen in my domain between the remaining eyesores of clutter.  But I was shocked at the level of clutter at Esther's house.  Over time, we discussed it, and she decided to take it on.  So, together, we worked on a corner of her kitchen.  It didn't look like much when we were done, but a 10,000 mile journey begins with the first step.  Esther realized how important it was to have someone else to help sort through the clutter, that she hired a helper, which led to Faith.

Faith is the daughter of a locksmith who had worked with Esther for years ever since she was managing the apartments in San Francisco.  The locksmith also gave Esther a eulogy at the funeral.  Faith lived with Esther the last few years helping like a nurse's aid and companion.  She stated at the graveside that living with Esther was not always easy but was the best education a young person could have.  Esther was so knowledgeable in law, as well as such a good and kind friend, Faith considered living with Esther to be a privilege.

Altogether, what this funeral meant to me was to demonstrate that it is our family and friends who give us the most fulfillment in our lives.  And how it is a damn shame if you wait until after death to say the things you want to say to your mother.  There's no time to waste in petty grievances, and it is urgent to shower the people we love with love.

A Moment of Joy

In my creative writing class with Ellen Weed, in the 4th week, we were assigned to write a piece about our most joyous experience.  It posed a problem because which of several joyous experiences should I choose, and what exactly does she mean by "joy?"  Most people feel joy when they look at their newborn baby or the day they get married.  Those didn't jump out at me as one of the most joyous experiences of my life.  Every time I speak to my centenarian mother on the phone and she tells me she loves me, I feel joy, but only a small joy.  What were the most joyous experiences I can remember?

There was that time my slave Master kicked me out and told me I was now free in the middle of India.  But too many of my stories took place in India over 4 decades ago; aren't there any more recent?  One divine afternoon of sexual union in the shower was certainly one of the memorable and more recent joyous experience, but X rated was not appropriate for this class.  So I thought about the several times that I have been touched by Grace, and decided to work up a piece on the joy of being filled with God's Grace. 

Here it is:

A Moment of Joy

As a Jew, the holiday of Yom Kippur has had great meaning for me.  It is the one day each year that Jews come face to face with our Creator to be forgiven.  Elul is not only the name of the month before Yom Kippur in which Jews practice many forms of ritual forgiveness and charity, but also the name of the process of purification.  We recall all our unskillful words and deeds of the last year and spend a month and then a week forgiving ourselves and letting them all go in preparation for the big day.  We beg forgiveness of others, and forgive them for trespassing against us.  On the day of Yom Kippur, we fast as we spend the day with our congregation turning and returning to the One. 

After a month, and then a week, and then a day of sacred fasting, we prepare ourselves to be face to face with HaShem.  As the day of purifying rituals moves along, we reach the culmination.  We bow down to YHVH in full prostration. During the first prostration, we culminate the period of purification by begging forgiveness for ourselves, and then we forgive ourselves of our sins.  On the second full prostration, we forgive our neighbors, relatives, community for the unskillful words and actions they have done toward myself and toward others.  Included in the 2^nd prostration is begging God’s forgiveness for the State of Israel and what they are doing to the Palestinians, and for fomenting war profiteering around the world.

On the third prostration, we have to forgive every murderer and despot in history.  I recall working hard to forgive Hitler, Bush, Cheney, Idi Amin, the instigators of China’s Cultural Revolution, David Duke and the Ku Klux Klan, Queen Isabella, and every other genocidal maniac that we recall from history.  Hardest, of course, is forgiving the man who killed my daughter. 

Part of the process is to make oneself empty and receptive to God’s Grace.  As my face presses on the floor in full prostration, if I have been effective in the forgiveness exercises, I will be taken over with such a passion that I wail and sob while tears stream out of my eyes.  These are not tears of anguish or despair.  These tears are for the release of hate, resentment, blame and injustice.  These are the tears that flow when I am touched by the finger of the Creator and filled with her Grace. 

A few years ago, Yom Kippur fell on the same day as the Mendocino Environmental Center big street fair fundraiser.  I was able to get there in time to hear Clan Dyken, the last band of the lineup.  I arrived directly from the break fast terminating Yom Kippur.  I had culminated a month, a week, and a day of purification, and had just finished forgiving every murderer in history.  I felt spent.  I didn’t feel like dancing.  I sat on a hay bale wrapped in my meditation shawl and listened to the band sing “Imagine” by John Lennon.  I began to imagine all the people living life in peace, and then it happened. 

I was using my skills at sending lovingkindness around the world, but instead I was sending Peace all around the world.  My inner being emptied out and was filled with a rush of rainbow light.  There was a pillar of rainbow light coming down from heaven on the whole scene and exchanging energy and going back up again.  With each breath, I amped it up and focused that rainbow light and spread it enveloping the entire planet.  The sense of thrill and joy as I focused the rainbow light passing through my empty conduit up and down and all around the Earth was overwhelming.  Once again, touched by Grace, I sobbed uncontrollably with tears of utter joy.